examination of faulty reflection(s)?

Though this seems rather bland and unoriginal of a start, I would much rather start low and rise at a consistent rate at which the pinnacle will be fully enveloped in the word commonly expressed as "satisfaction". This is nothing more than a thought experiment for myself, rather than for imagined contemporaries lacking in fundamental reality (i.e. spectators).

Reasons for such an experiment I have yet to unveil even to myself... I'm torn at even the thought that the imagined contemporaries I speak of shall actually be the incentive to which I would create this; what does that even show for my self? For my motives beyond that of these words to heights of other structures? That they're all pushed by the natural force of psychological states... the inertia of experience upon experience upon experience and so on... (until the limited end of mind is reached). In my honest opinion, it shows my extreme naivety or the power of the self blinding itself in order to perpetually give reasons to things that are actually not of it; actually they stem from self-esteem or the subject being the actor and the world being the play, the stage to which it's demonstrated that nothing really is what it is. I'm not implying that all of this is an illusion (the world or reality) but rather my mind is attributing false reasons for actions; to perceive them as something else to protect oneself from what one fears. What does this even amount to? What fear do I speak of? My thought of such imaginary contemporaries being the true reasons for going through the entirety of such actions; the fear that this is true.

I'm disgusted at the mere possibility of this being true.